Community, Hate, and Quiche

We started going to church this year. Growing up, I only went to church when I visited my grandparents, so at most twice a year. I wasn't raised to believe in God; in fact, my mother was pretty antagonistic towards faith, and my dad was the type of father who did the work and agreed passively with whatever the mother says sort of guy. But I always believed in something and felt connected to a higher power my whole life.

I had never been a big fan of getting up early on a Sunday to worship. God can hear my prayers wherever I am, and I've been to some pretty desolate locations on this planet where I've had some pretty intense conversations with the man upstairs, so why go to church? That was my opinion until the last few years.

I have wanted to go to church lately because I've felt a need for community. I understand why this desire has been so strong within my heart. This is likely due to always feeling a bit alone in the world, which suited me fine until I had my own family.

I'm not particularly adept at building and maintaining strong, long-lasting relationships with anybody. I find it to be no small miracle that I found my husband and am blessed enough to have children of my own that I love fiercely.

However, people need people. We are inherently social, built that way by our Creator. Even someone like me, who has adapted to thrive in oneness over the decades, needs people. That is likely why God sent me Beau and the kids.

So far, we've enjoyed the church we've found. In fact, the Pastor's sermons have helped me navigate forgiving my family and letting go of some of the negative emotions I have been carrying for too long.

However, there was something in particular that the Pastor mentioned on our first visit during his sermon

“Community isn't about sameness; it's about togetherness."

What a timely delineation to discuss.

It's easy to assume that finding “community" means surrounding yourself with people like you, with similar beliefs, habits, characteristics, and opinions. If I'm being honest, that's exactly why I wanted to find a church and start going on Sundays. I needed to find people who believed like us and likely had similar views on how one should live one's life.

That's not a bad thing. What is bad is how easy it is to vilify and downright hate those who are different.

I know what's going to come from this

“Kat, doesn't this make you a hypocrite because we all know how much you oppose DEIA?”

I see how that is a logical step a reader could make. However, I'd counter with the fact that I've never had a problem with diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility. All of those things are great and valuable to any community. My problem isn't with the principles of DEIA; it's its execution. Elevating groups above others for the sole reason of their skin color, sexuality, or “proximity" to certain skin colors and sexualities is wrong. It has nothing to do with diversity, equity, inclusion, or accessibility. To relate to the theme of this piece, it's about sameness and separation, and it's poison.

I've heard a lot of people expressing their downright hatred of people who voted differently than them. Some of the people I've heard this from are people who are friends of mine.

I hope that when these things are said, they are said in the heat of the moment and not in seriousness.

I choose to believe that people generally have a greater capacity for good than for bad and are, most of the time, decent human beings.

If you find yourself, regardless of beliefs or politics, hating or despising half of your fellow man because they believe differently, the problem isn't with them but with you.

I find it particularly disheartening when Americans feel such contempt for one another because of differences in beliefs or politics. Our shared Creator endowed our freedoms and they are inalienable, meaning they can't be taken away from us. That is something to be celebrated and cherished, not only for those who believe the same things as we do but, if anything, even more for the existence of those who believe differently.

The United States is equally wonderous and frustrating because of its plurality.

When American soldiers wear the uniform and swear to defend the Constitution, it's not just for their fellow Americans who believe the same as they do, but for all Americans.

It's ok to be frustrated by politics and your fellow man. Lord knows I am routinely frustrated by people.

It's not ok to hate people because they believe differently than you or voted differently than you. That reflects you, your heart, and your inability to effectively engage with your community.

What we all need more of is acceptance and togetherness, not sameness and hatred.

This reminds me of when you go to the doctor's office and aren't feeling well. Sometimes, they have that poster in the office with ten faces ranging from smiling down to a face frowning and crying. The poster is there to help you articulate your pain on a sliding scale. Rarely when you go to the doctor are you perfectly well. It is just as rare to be in excruciating pain. You usually are somewhere in the middle of that sliding scale.

Somehow, we've lost this concept of a sliding scale of emotions. You must either be 100% in sync with people in your life or hate them. This extreme reaction to one another has set us all up for disappointment. Just as life is messy - so are human relationships.

You can not understand why someone would vote for someone and not hate them. You can be perplexed as to why someone might believe or not believe in something and not hate it. In fact, you can feel all sorts of other emotions: confused, bewildered, surprised, intrigued, annoyed, and even dismayed. But hate doesn't have to be the immediate emotion. Disgust shouldn't be the emotion either. Because the sad truth is there are things in the world that are legitimately hateful and disgusting. Genocide, human trafficking, rape, murder, slavery, quiche to name a few.

When we use words like hate and disgust towards people who are just different than us, we cheapen things that are truly hateful and disgusting. It's a slippery slope towards removing their humanity altogether - which is often what leads to some of those truly hateful and disgusting things.

We need to challenge each other and ourselves to practice being together in a community that is not the same.

Because we have more in common with each other than we realize, and our differences aren't all that bad - they are just differences.

Save the hate and disgust for true evil and quiche.