The Importance of What We Put Into the World: A Reflection on Perception, Behavior, and Society's Changing Norms
In a world increasingly obsessed with authenticity and acceptance, there seems to be a growing push to embrace behaviors and traits that are often considered “natural.” Society tells us to be unapologetically ourselves, to express our truths, and to accept the flaws of others. However, this has led to a strange and sometimes frustrating dynamic where behaviors that might be considered rude or unwelcoming are excused in the name of mental health, personal quirks, or personality traits.
As a parent, this has become a point of reflection for me. While I want to teach my daughter the importance of embracing who she is, I also want her to understand that how she presents herself to the world matters, and in some situations, can deeply affect her interactions with others.
Lately, we've been discussing with her that if she seems angry, people will perceive her as angry. If she doesn't respond to someone when addressed, others will assume she’s being rude, even if she didn't mean to come across that way. These are basic lessons. Yet now, there is an underlying belief that these kinds of lessons—such as being aware of how we appear to others or being responsible for our actions—are somehow outdated or even unnecessary. But are they?
The Rise of “Authenticity” and Its Pitfalls
We live in a society that pushes authenticity to the forefront of our values. It's everywhere: in the media, on social platforms, in everyday conversations. “Be your true self,” “Embrace who you are,” “Don’t apologize for who you are” are the mantras we’re all encouraged to adopt. And while these are well-intentioned ideals, they have also given rise to a culture of excuses. Suddenly, traits that were once considered undesirable—being curt, dismissive, or having an indifferent expression—are now brushed off as “just who someone is.”
Take, for example, the common excuse of "Oh, sorry, I have resting bitch face." This phrase has become a socially accepted way to justify not offering a pleasant expression or greeting when encountering others. It's as if the mere appearance of being standoffish or even unfriendly should be excused because it’s "just how I look." But does this truly benefit us in the long run? What happens when someone’s default expression doesn’t reflect the warmth or approachability that would make others feel comfortable around them?
Similarly, we hear things like "Oh, sorry, I’m just sure I have ADHD," when people fail to pay attention during conversations. Instead of being accountable for not engaging fully or listening when spoken to, this is used as a shield against any criticism. But here’s the thing—if you aren’t paying attention when someone is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter what label you place on it. It’s still disrespectful, even if unintentional.
Of course, mental health struggles and neurological differences are real, and they should be met with compassion. But what’s troubling is that we’re increasingly finding that these excuses are being used as shields for behavior that might otherwise be considered rude or inconsiderate. In a society where authenticity is pushed to the extreme, we must ask ourselves: Are we really helping each other, or are we just making excuses for behaviors that damage the social fabric?
Teaching Our Children Accountability and Social Responsibility
It’s easy to forget that how we act and how we come across to others matters. For children, this is an especially important lesson. My daughter, for example, is at an age where she is learning to navigate the nuances of social interactions. We’ve been working on helping her understand that if she appears angry, people will think she’s angry—even if that’s not her intention. If she ignores someone who is addressing her, people will think she’s being rude, even if she didn’t mean to be. This isn’t about teaching her to be fake or suppress her true feelings, but rather about teaching her the power of perception and how her behavior can influence how others see her.
We live in a world where first impressions matter. If you look sour, others are likely to think you are sour. If you dress sloppily or fail to take care of your appearance, people may assume you don’t care about yourself or the situation at hand. In the professional world, this can have serious consequences. If you’re an architect, a doctor, or any kind of professional, your appearance and demeanor play a big role in how clients and colleagues perceive you. It’s not about fitting into some superficial mold; it’s about communicating to others that you respect yourself and them.
We’re teaching our daughter the importance of both self-awareness and social awareness. This means being conscious of how she appears to others and understanding that her actions, even if unintentional, can send a message. Does this mean she should constantly smile and be upbeat, regardless of how she feels? Of course not. It means teaching her that there’s a difference between being authentic and being dismissive or disrespectful.
The Real-World Consequences of Perception
In the real world, perception matters. If you look like a clown, people will assume you’re not serious. If you look like someone who’s perpetually angry or unfriendly, people will hesitate to approach you or trust you. The world is full of nuanced judgments based on how we present ourselves, whether we like it or not.
This is where the growing culture of acceptance can sometimes clash with reality. We’ve been taught to embrace differences and give everyone a pass, but there’s a balance to be struck. If we only focus on accepting others for their quirks without addressing the consequences of those quirks, we may be doing more harm than good.
There’s a fundamental difference between accepting someone for who they are and enabling behaviors that might hurt their ability to connect with others or succeed in life. Consider the concept of “resting bitch face” again. Should we simply accept that someone doesn’t smile because of how their face naturally looks? Or should we encourage them to make an effort to greet others and show warmth? It’s not about changing who they are—it’s about teaching them how to navigate the world in a way that allows for genuine connection and mutual respect.
Striking a Balance Between Authenticity and Social Awareness
The key is balance. We should absolutely embrace who we are, but we must also understand the world around us and how our actions can influence others. There’s no harm in teaching children the importance of being aware of how they come across, of being accountable for their actions, and of respecting social norms that help us all function together in a cohesive society.
It’s also about recognizing that, at the end of the day, our actions and behaviors affect the people around us. Whether we like it or not, the way we present ourselves shapes the way others perceive us, and this perception can have real-world consequences. Our daughter may not always feel like smiling or responding right away, but she needs to understand that when she doesn’t, she’s sending a message—whether she intends to or not.
In the same way, we all need to recognize that what we put out into the world has an impact. The way we act, the way we speak, and the way we present ourselves will shape how we are perceived by others. And while authenticity and acceptance are important, they should not come at the cost of common decency, empathy, and respect for others.
Conclusion: A Call for Accountability and Self-Awareness
In conclusion, while society’s emphasis on authenticity and acceptance is well-intentioned, it is crucial that we don’t lose sight of the real-world consequences of our actions and behaviors. Yes, we should embrace who we are, but we must also be aware that how we present ourselves and how we treat others matters. It’s about striking a balance between being true to ourselves and being mindful of the impact we have on the world around us.
As we continue to teach our children these lessons, I hope we can all remember that, in the end, what we put out into the world is what we’ll receive in return.
